Bookish Mash Tag: A Trashy Satire About an Alternative Me

Thanks, Angelica, for tagging me in yet another exciting tag! Check out her post for this – she nominated two awesome people (psst…Rose and Chizurue) besides me, but I think they happened to miss it! Thanks to Kyera for creating this creative tag as well!

The Rules:

• Link back to my original post on Kyera’s Library so I can see all your answers! (Be sure to do this via pingback, I don’t get notified if you just tag my URL)

• Thank the person(s) who tagged you… show the community some love!

• Obviously, come up with your wonderful answers!

• Don’t forget to tag others to keep the tag going!

• What you have left is your YA story! Go to this website which explains how to play with some pictures if you don’t know how to play MASH.

So instead of drawing a spiral to decide which option I end up with, I cheated and used my digital watch. I checked my watch after every category and divide the number of seconds by 4. Feel free to cheat in a similar as well or use a random number generator, but spirals are the best if you have time!

* ❂ = what I ended up with

Genre:

• Travel Journal
• Mystery
• Horror
• ❂Satire❂ (Oh boy, how concerning…can I even satire?)

Love Interest: 

I’ve decided I want an OC, so I listed types instead of names.

• ❂Emo hairdresser❂ (Hm… hmmm….)
• Samurai with a famous katana
• Hospital patient
• Byronic aristocrat

Setting:

• Feudal Japan
• Rapunzel’s tower
• ❂A random high school❂ (not all that exciting, but fairly good for satire)
• Renaissance France

Transportation

• ❂Shopping cart❂ (I don’t know where this is going…)
• Horse
• Flying carpet
• Bus

Best Friend

• Dere-dere
• Fujoshi
• Housewife
• ❂Yandere❂ (!)

Villain

• ❂Ancient vampire❂ (Okay)
• Local pharmacist
• Butler with a suspicious mustache
• Telemarketer

Pet

• ❂Baby snake❂ (interesting)
• Cockroach
• Koi fish
• Frog

Job

• Cashier
• Sign language interpreter
• Waitress
• ❂Too rich for work❂ (Yes…finally something I can approve of)

Power

• Making money fall out of thin air
• Nullification
• ❂Senpai-baiting charm❂ (This is starting to become very not me)
• Ability to turn any line of speech into song

Trope or Twist

• Villain is actually the dad
• Best friend’s betrayal
• ❂Death flags❂ (yes…good stuff)
• The government was behind everything

The Story

Moya is an ordinary high school girl (oh, except for the fact that she’s filthy rich, ohohohohoho). She recently acquired an infant anaconda that her father hired people to capture from some forest deep within Sri Lanka, and she can’t wait to show off to all her classmates. All the senpais would be so impressed! But does the school have a rule against pets? Ohohoho…rules are only for peasants. But just in case, Moya hides her snake Hebi-tan between her boobs like all the best girls do.

“Ojousama, your ride is ready,” announces Moya’s driver. Moya descends gracefully down the staircase, only to see a shopping cart in place of her Mercedes. Whatever is going on?

“We’re very sorry, ojousama, but your car has been stolen this morning,” says the driver. The driver gently picks Moya up and places her in the shopping cart.

“But…but how will I get there on time?” Moya cries.

“Don’t worry, ojousama. I used to be a competitive runner.” The driver does a hair-flip and his sweat goes all kira-kira in the air. Moya is pushed through the neighbourhood at a high speed while the driver makes ambulance noises to warn everyone in the way. Hebi-tan falls out during the ride, because it’s not like there was anything holding it there in the first place.

Despite the thoughtful ambulance noises the driver makes, Moya’s shopping cart knocks over a row of senpais in front of the school. “Ah, to die under Moya’s tracks…” One of them exclaims in passion as he falls.

But Moya can’t settle for these plebeians. She makes her way into the classroom and sits down at her window seat, second from the back. Her friend Yan-chan pokes her from behind. “Psst…we’re going to have a transfer student today, you know?”

“No…? How did you know that, Yan-chan?” Moya asks, though it’s not like she cares.

Yan-chan smiles secretively. “He came from Tokyo and his parents own a hospital.”

“Wow, you sure know a lot, Yan-chan~” Moya praises her friend.

“You know, he also wrote fan-fiction in middle school, though he deleted all his accounts now. He shouldn’t have though, they were all so dark and gory and fantastic!” Yan-chan continues passionately, and Moya is amazed to see Kurokami-kun introduced by the teacher as the new transfer student. He is so…cool-looking!

Moya shoves the senpai beside her onto the floor, face-down. The teacher, seeing the empty seat, arranges for Kurokami-kun to sit next to Moya. Yan-chan looks disappointed… Moya tries to exercise her charm on Kurokami-kun, but class starts way too soon.

Credits to Erin Kitagawa

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Wow… this story is becoming longer than I intended for it to be. It’s also way more anime-like than bookish. I’ll end it here and finish it in another post soon. Thanks for reading my horrible satire, people.

Nominees:

• Auri
• thespookyredhead
• Brittney
• Ameithyst
• biblionyan
• Jenn

Obviously, only if you have time and happen to feel like it~ Note that writing out the story isn’t actually a part of the tag, but I felt like I had to, because I wouldn’t be able to present my alternative life story as a synopsis that makes sense.

Hmmm…was this supposed to be my dream life? Oops, too bad. All the options I gave myself were completely random, and this is what it resulted in. Well, I wouldn’t mind being ridiculously rich and having senpai-charming powers though.